Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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