can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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