I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
