he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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