If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
