The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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