While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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