I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
