I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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