I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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