I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
