Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
