yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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