my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
