I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
