i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
