Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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