I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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