I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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