I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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