Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
