When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
