So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
