More tranny stories later!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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