wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
