Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
