I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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