Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
