Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think my moral compass just broke
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
