I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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