i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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