no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she told me i tasted like america
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
