idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize