covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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