If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
