So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
