I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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