Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
