I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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