Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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