so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
