Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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