i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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