I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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