we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
