My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
