what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
