I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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