I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
