i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dignity is for republicans.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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