After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
how drunk are you?
Several
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
