One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
