I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
