He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
