Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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