If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
