Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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