The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
