I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
