I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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