no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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