how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
