And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
