The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
