you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
