Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
