atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How's work?
Spinning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
