Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
