He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
