Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
