it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
