I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
