That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
