i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize