I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
