i can't believe i had my finger in that
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
