Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
