i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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