I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
