There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
where are my eyebrows?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
