Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize