I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize