my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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