She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
