I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
