is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
In America we eat man semen.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
