On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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