You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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