he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
