Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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