you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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