she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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