I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
