i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize