I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
