Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how drunk are you?
Several
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
