Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
