I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize